Truth Number One
by Odi et amo
Summary: ...and then Hermione and I lived happily ever after and made love every 9.187640927 seconds, which was satisfying beyond candy. DMHG
1. The truth

"...and then Hermione and I lived happily ever after and made love every 9.187640927 seconds, which was satisfying beyond candy."

He finished his story with a smug grin, not failing to notice the gaping mouths of the golden trio and of the Slytherin's. Pansy was sobbing into Blaise's chest, who's eyes were practically popping out of his head. His favorite student and godson was looking livid and embarrassed.

"Um...professor...where did you say you found that book again?" Hermione Granger asked, her voice timid and shaking. Snape smiled at her, proud to have caused such ordered chaos within a few paragraphs.

"In the Slytherin dorms. The title, for all those interested, is Draco's Dream diary."

Ronald Weasley ran out of the classroom, holding a hand over his mouth with a pale face. Snape wandered around his classroom slowly, looking into each and every students face with the most serious expression he could muster.

"Currently, Draco's Dream Diary is a small known work, but after mass production starts copies of it should be available by next August. The price for this amazing literary accomplishment will be-"

"Professor!" Draco's voice rang out, breaking off Snape's 'lecture' and drawing the attention of the rest of the class to him. Without another word he jumped over his desk and wrestled the book from Snape's hand. "LIES!" He yelled to everyone, his silvery blue eyes panicky. Then, before anyone could stop him he ran out the doors to the classroom.

And that is the true reason Draco went into hiding.

oooooooooo

Okay, so this was tiny and random, but please review anyways.

I do not own HPB.


	2. Draco's Dream Diary

**Draco's Dream Diary**

_The lecture all my reviewers missed…mwahaha…unless you happen to read this, in which case you didn't miss it so congrats, you know all about the love now…mwahaha…_

_oooooooooo_

He was rather shocked to find the Diary. More than shocked actually, he knew Draco loved his privacy, so it seemed illogical that Draco would keep a diary. Or even call it a diary in the first place. But the proof lay before him, in swirling calligraphy of silver penmanship: _**DRACO'S DREAM DIARY**_.

Severus's natural curiosity was a curse really. It had led to him becoming a spy in the war against Voldemort, it had led him to actually liking potion making, and now it was leading him down the dark, dangerous path of…snooping.

He glanced about him. The Dorm was silent, except for the snores of a student who had fallen asleep in a faraway chair. There was no other teacher or student in or nearby, so safety wasn't an issue. That he was very thankful for.

He opened the diary and commenced reading.

oooooooooo

"Today class, we are making a potion that makes the taker unable to dream for months on end." Professor Severus Snape said in his nasally voice. "But first, a lecture taken from a person who dreams…a little too much."

The students all groaned and/or yawned, except Hermione Granger, who immediately sat up to pay close attention. She got a quill ready to take notes with. Professor Snape opened a large green book, thumbed through the first couple of pages, then smiled evilly as he found what he was looking for.

"So, like OMG, I had the coolest dream ever last night. Yes, I know I've claimed that before, but this one just takes the friggin' cake and eats it too. Lately I've been mooning over…no wait, you already know who I've been mooning over, so I'll make it simple. This dream combined my secret goddess, the Chronicles of Riddick, the land of Narnia, and was narrated by someone with the talents of Neil Gaiman himself. Sandman series style."

The darkly dressed professor did not fail to notice Malfoy sitting up and looking tense.

"So first the narrator starts talking, then he shuts up abruptly after mentioning some stuff about true love, magic, and evil doings at work. I then wake up and I'm getting chased in some winter wonderland by space pirates. Fortunately I manage to overpower them, take their ship, and fly off to some planet called "Narnia." Narnia was being ruled by the evil King Caspian who ran an army of Necromancers who were on a mission to take over the entire cosmos. In Narnia, I met-"

"Excuse me, professor?" Snape looked up and say Draco holding a hand up in the air. He nodded for him to continue. "What…um…what does this have to do with…the dream potion?"

"It's a dream excerpt that clearly demonstrates the need for some people to dream less."

"Yes, but…do you have to read it?"

"Yes, I do Mr. Malfoy. Someone has been putting lemon juice in my coffee."

The statement was entirely random, but it was enough to make Draco turn even paler than he was, and sit back in his chair, covering his eyes. Nobody seemed to notice his reaction, and several students actually asked him to continue, since they liked the idea of combining popular stories and creating chaos. There was also the fact that the "secret goddess" had yet to be revealed. Snape looked back at the book.

"Let's see…where was I…AHA! In Narnia I met a monk who thought I was the person destined to save the worlds we lived in. I didn't exactly agree until I met this beautiful, kind, intelligent, and amazingly talented daughter of Eve named Hermione."

Miss Granger received several odd looks from fellow classmates, and a few snickers as well. It was slowly becoming obvious that a fellow student had wrote this.

"Hermione, in the short time I spent with her, proved herself to be the most wonderful person I had ever met…and I fell in love."

More laughter sounded in the classroom, less suppressed this time.

"But the evil Caspian saw Hermione one day, and decided she would make a perfect bride for him. So before he completely took over Narnia, he kidnapped her away from me and sentenced me to prison in a terrible place where the sun burned so hot it could burn your flesh off of you. The prison was underground. After some trial and error, I managed to escape with the help of Aslan, who was a giant talking lion. Alarms went off shortly after we managed to get into the space port, so we had to battle some necromancers to get their ship. One actually helped us, but to avoid getting tortured for his treachery, he went out in the sun and got burned to a crisp.

"After Aslan and I got off that horrid planet, we flew to Narnia again, this time to sneak in and pretend to be soldiers. Aslan…was sadly killed before he made it, since his appearance was too obviously inhuman. But I got through and began searching for Hermione. When I found her she had been brainwashed and did not recall who I was. Instead she sounded an alarm, and I was surrounded by Caspian's soldiers.

"Then Caspian walked out and laughed, proclaiming "So you're the one destined to kill me, 'eh Furian? Ha, I dare you to try!" He pulled a sword from the sheath at his side, then ordered one of his shoulders to hand me a sword too. Then the fight began.

"The fight lasted a long time, and he was on his knees when, in one last force of will, he threw his sword at Hermione. It missed, and I killed him. Suddenly all the other necromancers bowed to me, and called me their king. One, a minister I suppose, said "In the Necromancer faith, you keep what you kill." I had become their new king."

Malfoy slouched even further in his chair, knowing full well what the next line was.

"And then Hermione and I lived happily ever after and made love every 9.187640927 seconds, which was satisfying beyond candy."

oooooooooo

A/N: Thanks everyone who reviewed this, and anyone who does in the future. You guys are awesomely awesome.


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